Funny & Hilarious Status Updates For Facebook 2013

I want to share some funny, Interesting and hilarious statuses you can share on Facebook and other social bookmarking site like twitter. I compile this collection of statuses deliberately to greet my readers for New Year. Below are the collections of some statuses you can share on Facebook, Twitter & other social networking site.

• For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
• So if time is money and time heals all wounds. Doesn’t that just mean money heals all wounds.
• I’m not fat, I’m harder to kidnap.
• It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
• Why can’t everything come pre-shrunk: Who really want to guess what size their shirt will be after they wash it five times?
• Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
• Some of my friends are like a slinky – completely useless, but fun to push down stairs.
• Is On The Toilet (>_<) (o_o) (0_0) ~ (^_^) Ahhhhhhhh That`s Better.  
• Do kids go outside and play anymore??
• The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
• Worry often gives a small thing a large shadow.
• I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
• Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
• A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
• Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
• I’m pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people’s fights.  
• The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you will get it wrong.
• No one can ruin your day without your permission.
• I’ve been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
• Is doing something weird and thinking, this is why I’m not in a relationship.
• Looking at people’s mutual friends and saying “OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM”
• Facebook would be a lot better if they had an “Ignore all engagement and wedding posts” option.
• Oh the noises I make when people aren’t around.
• LIKE if you have that one friend that Laughs at everything. Even when it’s not funny. 
• If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
• The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it made.
• ●☆● ☆● ☆● ☆● ℋαρ℘¥ ℵεωУεαя‼‼ ●☆● ☆● ☆● ☆●
• “Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…”
• The “spork” needs to be available in silverware form.
• When in doubt, mumble.
• The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.
• Telling someone that you’re going to bed, When you’re actually not, and then having to hold back from posting things on Facebook. 
• A relationship should be between (^__^) & (^__^) NOT (^__^) & (^__^) + (-_(-_(-_-)_-)_-) + FACEBOOK
• Life is way too short to safely remove a USB.
• One day: status updates will be a requirement, not an option.
• If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to smile about when you’re old.
• No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.
• You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
• The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.
• You don’t need anybody that does not need you. Focus on those who truly appreciate you & get rid of those who don’t.
• I love finding money in my clothes…..its like a gift from me.. to me.  
• If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids, why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
• “From what I can remember” is the best way to start a story.
• The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
• A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots.
• “Facebook is stupid!” *one month later* “DUDE, I can’t stop Facebooking!” Who remembers saying this??
• Whoever is reading this, you’re beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile! Life is too short to be unhappy.
• That awkward moment when someone *Likes* One of your Very old Facebook statuses and you think “Creeper”.
• Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
• The best feature of the iPhone is the feature that keeps you from getting pushed in the pool.

Learn how to  update your Facebook status via devices such as BlackBerry, iPod, iPhone, Xbox etc

If you have more funny statuses you wish to share with the rest of our readers, use the comment box.